Lexa Kom Trikru
by seabunnie
Summary: Lexa is a Nightblood. She's been raised to fight in the Conclave for the honor of becoming the Commander. What was her life like before she met Clarke Griffin?
1. Chapter 1

Our swords clang, metal against metal. I stare straight into my opponent's gleaming eyes, staring at me with a determination only Luna could produce. She shoots me a small smile, wondering if she'll be able to best me. My confidence never wavers, though I can feel my grip loosening around my sword as she continues to push me down towards the ground.

It hits me that she might be stronger than me. I quickly roll out of the way, ready to bring my sword down on top of her. As I do so, though, she blocks me with such force that I'm sure my sword will come flying out of my hands. But my grip remains true, and we're both back on our feet before I can even comprehend what's happening. I'm sliding away from her, and then to the side, try desperately to evade her increasingly offensive strikes.

Her arms swing faster, faster, faster, until I'm barely able to do anything but block, defend, retreat. She has me backed against the wall, and my mind is racing, and my body is moving, hardly even connected to my brain at all. It's pure instinct that I'm able to slide under her feet, tripping her to the ground as I do. Now we're both lying on the ground, and I'm scrambling to my feet, swinging them to her chest in an effort to keep her down.

She rolls out of the way just in time, and we're back to circling each other. I'm panting, but my feet are itching to charge her. I make myself wait, just long enough to find her weak moment, her one moment of hesitation. Luna watches me too, assessing what my next move will be. She, too, doesn't wish to be the first to strike. She, too, like so few of the other novitiates, understands the importance of patience.

As I'm watching Luna, something else catches my eyes.

Costia watches me from the edge of the clearing. My heart flutters, a tiny uneven movement in its already racing pulse.

And suddenly, in that moment of hesitation, in that moment of weakness_, _I'm caught off guard. My ever present shield was let down, even if for just a millisecond, but it was long enough for Luna to notice.

Luna charges me, and swings her sword under my legs, sweeping me to the ground. I'm on my back, staring up into Luna's deep brown eyes, swelled with pride. Her grin, spread wide across her smooth face.

Her sword, still at my neck.

I'm not smiling back.

"I surrender," I say, simply. There's no hint of malice in my voice, just a matter of fact. I do catch the tiniest hint of defeat in my tone.

Luna removes the sword from my neck, and reaches down a hand to help me up, which I don't take.

I hop to my feet and approach Titus, bowing my head for our evaluation. Luna walks over to the space beside me, and does the same.

He turns to Luna first, and places his hand on her shoulder. He does not smile. "Luna. You fought well today. You are dismissed."

Luna takes a step back, and meets his eyes, as if wishing for more praise. I know Titus will not give it. He is under no obligation to cradle our emotions.

"Thank you, _Fleimkepa," _she says, bowing. Then, she retreats back into the city, not looking back at either Titus or myself.

Titus watches her walk away. As she does, I notice that there is no sign of Costia, which upsets me. I know she isn't permitted to witness private trainings, but I would have found a small amount of comfort in her presence.

Titus addresses me, his voice stern, "Lexa."

"Yes, _Fleimkepa?" _I say, my tone steady and sure, despite his impenetrable gaze. It isn't a glare, he is only watching me, studying me to see what my next move will be. I return the gaze, refusing to break eye contact. This is a sign of strength.

"This is twice now that you have disappointed me, Lexa. As one of my most promising novitiates, you must work harder than this. You must work harder than ever before if you want to become _heda. _The commander's spirit will choose only the strongest. Do you understand this?"

Titus's reference to my last fight makes me want to flinch. Yet another time when Luna had bested me. I had thought that I might beat her today. I was proven wrong.

"I am working hard, harder than ever before," I begin to protest.

"You are not!" Titus shouts. This startles me. Have I not trained for hours on end, long after the other novitiates have left? Have I not beaten every single one of the other _Natblidas_? Have I not bested Luna herself on occasion, as I grow stronger still?

"I do not understand. I am, truly."

"Any amount of work you are putting in now, is not enough. It will never _be _enough. You must fight, and you must fight past your limit if you wish to survive. You will do this, or you will die. Do I make myself clear, Lexa kom Trikru?"

I am sure that I do understand. Luna has found her strength. I have yet to find mine.

"Yes, _Fleimkepa,_" I say, the words rolling off my tongue. A verse I have recited since birth, a prayer to keep me alive.

Titus does not soften, but seems satisfied with my readiness. "Good," he says. He places a hand on my shoulder as he did Luna's moments ago, but this time, he seems kinder. "You will train for the rest of the sunlight hours."

I nod.

I will do whatever it takes.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time I see Costia is two weeks later, but it feels like an eternity. I didn't realize what losing her would be like until I didn't have her anymore. We used to see each other every day, but the novitiates continue to grow more and more restless as we come to the realization that the Conclave is quickly approaching. This means more training. This means everyone is on edge, and there is a higher chance that Costia and I could be caught together.

Anya insists I join her in battle regularly, and I am eager to do so. Few other Nightbloods have the privilege of training as a warrior's second- especially someone with such a high and honorable position as Anya.

The harder I train, the more it seems that the others race to match me. Luna is still, undoubtedly, better than me. Though Titus says otherwise, it is difficult to imagine that any amount of training could change this.

Still, there is no part of me that doesn't long for stolen time with Costia. I long to spend every waking moment with her, but I understand that this is not possible. She does too, I am sure.

But the threat of the approaching Conclave looms over us, so we do not ignore any opportunities to spend with each other. She, at least, is the one thing that lets me forget my training. No, I can never truly forget my training. It is as if Costia is the only person who can help me _remember, _not forget. With her, I remember my life, I remember my love- for her, and for my clan.

I press my lips to hers, softly at first, glad to finally have the chance to see her again. Costia kisses me back, passionately and deeply. I laugh and pull her closer to me. The pure elation we're feeling is one that can't be replicated.

"How could I possibly have survived this long without you?" I ask, breathless, looking into her light gray eyes. I feel sure that she's studying mine, too.

"I'm sure you found someway to manage, _heda," _she calls me.

"Not _heda," _I correct her, and I can't help but adding, "Not _yet_, anyway." It is a confident thing to say, something I would never have the courage to say ordinarily. Costia gives me the courage to say it. The way she says _heda, _it's like she truly believes that she is me, that I am _heda. _If she can believe it, then, surely, I can steal that confidence when I face Luna. I want to make even Luna believe that I will be- that I _am- heda. _

She kisses me again, like she can't get enough of me, and I feel the same way. I want to hold onto this moment. This is the moment I will remember it. For Costia, is not a distraction, she is my strength. We were taught from a young age that our battle strength comes from inside ourselves- Costia is a part of who I am. How could my strength not be her?

"I love you," she whispers to me, between kisses. This startles me. It is rare for our people to share this part of their soul with another. This part of your soul, this part of your heart, should not be given away freely. For Costia to say this to me- it means everything to me.

"Costia," I tell her, suddenly serious. "You could never understand the way I feel about you. Really."

She smiles. A beautiful, sad, happy, heartstopping smile. It makes my stomach do backflips and it makes me want to run and hide all at once. I can't explain it at all. I can't understand what I'd ever do when the day comes that I'll never see it again.

And now, I feel the echo of tears start to form in my throat. I haven't cried for years, and I refuse to start now. Even for Costia, tears are weakness. No amount of strength can change that, ever.

But my heart still splits inside me. "Just-" I tell her, fighting to get the words out. Fighting against my own, treacherous heart. "Just don't forget me, please."

She takes my face in her hand, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "What are you talking about, Lexa?"

It's hard to get the word out of my lips. Saying it is synonymous to the end. The end of us. And I can't think of the fact that there will be an end. Whether that's in a month, or in a dozen years. "The Conclave."

"Listen to me. I know you'll be _heda. _Do you understand? You are the most courageous warrior out of everyone I know."

"I know," I say. "And you made me that way."

I feel ashamed of my doubt, now. Being a _Natblida _is the highest honor. Competing in the Conclave is the highest honor. It is my birthright. To die in the Conclave- to be denied of the Commander's spirit- is not something I should fear.

This is something I know. I know this, in the very fiber of my being. That I am special, as I have been told since birth.

Costia makes me doubt myself. And, at first glance, this would seem like a bad thing. Yet another weakness I must now overcome. But she also makes me wonder- is doubting myself- doubting what I've been taught- such a bad thing?

I push the thought away, too. I can't be worrying about this with such a fast-approaching Conclave. We don't know, of course, when the Commander will fall in battle. When his spirit will choose another. But Titus has been preparing us for it to happen soon. Those of us who aren't strong enough worry. Those of us who are strong enough worry- but for a different reason.

Now everything is becoming too entangled in my mind, so I do the only thing I know to do to clear it.

I kiss Costia.

And I feel better.


End file.
